Hi,
I have been suffering severe depression at its peak over the last four years, finally lifting now that I have gotten myself out of my rut (I needed to move interstate to do it). I just wanted to let the younger people know that no matter how bad things appear you need to hang onto hope that things will get better in the future no matter how hard that seems at the time. I am 31 years old now and my depression hit its peak for the last 4 years of my life although I had on/off episode since my early twenties. It has taken this long to actually find light at the end of the tunnel as its a tricky thing (depression) to diagnose. There is the personal denial and the thinking "this is not right I should not feel like this I must get over it soon" and all your friends not understanding telling you to 'get over it'. With that to deal with and well depression and mental illness not being as recognised ten years ago in my early twenties resulted in a decade of finally figuring it out and seeking the help I needed.

I made a mistake but keeping it all to myself and I thank God I did have some hope for the future as I would not be here to day. Thats why I say hang onto that hope as you will finally pull through the other end. If your friends are not listening or you can't go to your parents ring the help line. There are people who will listen and help you. Find out if there is a local community centre in your area offering counselling as there usually is. Do not go it alone. I know I said I did and I am advising you not to but I am ok now. I know a lot of younger people who go it alone don't always pull through.

Unfortunately in my early twenties there were not as many services available for this kind of thing either as the community awereness was not as strong as it is now ten years later.

Don't be afraid to consult a few doctors and if you have a feeling something is not right you are probably right as you know your body more than anyone. This is where I would not give up on myself and pursued as much outside professional help as I could and only recently after being told by one doctor I have severe depression did I after 3 years of his diagnosis and still not feeling right did I consult another professional in my new state to find out I may actually have a specific mental illness. I find out my diagnosis tomorrow.

I knew even with the suffering I have been through and my depression that something was still not right. These new professionals have found some signs and symptoms I am experiencing may be relating to this new problem which has obviously been with me these past ten years but has taken this long to rear its head (or be diagnosed) in my early 30's.

Without sounding like a hypochondriac I really hope it is the condition they think I have. As I have read all about it and it would explain lots of things in my life and will give me peace in knowing I can now find the right treatment and move forward in my life.

So that's where the hope/perserverance (NEVER GIVE UP) and depression comes in.

What about bullying. If you see it at school please protect your fellow classmates even if the person you see being bullied is not your friend. As the mental illness I may be diagnosed with tomorrow can be caused my abuse growing up. Now in my case it was not at home or some crazy stranger in the park. I suffered 6 years of bullying at school. From late primary school to late high school. This could have caused my illness. As especially in the teenage years this is a time teenagers are forming their identity. Now what sort of identity or things would an easy target, sensitive teenager going to tell themselves if they are being comstantly put down in high school. Let me tell you it's not good. I can say as a result of my bullying I have a very low self esteem and self concept even now at 31. So be kind to one another. Don't be afraid to tell a teacher if you know someone is being bullied and it looks like they are too shy to stand up for themselves.

I can say one good thing that has come from that experience is I can now help other children in the same situation as I am a primary school teacher and I will not tolerate bullying in my classroom.

Always hang on to hope - you don't need to end your life when its bad as it does get better honestly. I had a friend tell me over and over when I was deep deep down and I found it hard to believe but I am glad I did believe him. If you have no hope then make a poster with hope on it and stick it on your ceiling so you see it before you go to sleep each night. As the more you see it the more it will be etched in your mind and well you will start to believe it. I had to get "HOPE" tattooed on my body to help me. Better not do that if you are under 18.

Thanks for reading my letter and hang in there.