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ARTICLE : TEN REASONS NOT TO KILL YOURSELF

The following article, "Ten Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself", has been submitted by Susan Einarsson of New Westminster, BC.  Susan wrote this booklet some years ago for high-schoolers, drawing on her own teenage struggles during those years and lessons that she learned for herself in her own journey of growing up.  Susan said she wrote this as an encouragement for all teenagers.

TEN REASONS NOT TO KILL YOURSELF

INDEX  -  CHAPTERS :

1. ABUSE
2. BULLYING
3. REJECTION
4. FAILURE
5. LOVE
6. PERFECTION
7. HOPELESSNESS
8. FEAR
9. DEPRESSION
10. THE FUTURE
….    REMEMBER

FOREWORD

For some people, there is a time when life becomes too painful and suicide appears to be the only way out. I know, because I was one of those people. My first suicide attempt was at the age of 11. Only someone who has stood where you are now can know what that is really like. It is a dark and lonely place. When you have thoughts of killing yourself, they are private and secret. All you want is for the pain to stop because it feels so horrible inside. A part of you begins to drift away, lured by the sweet promise of peace. IT IS A LIE. Lies are what we tell ourselves when we are in pain. Lies are what we start to believe. Every suicidal thought is based on a lie.

Any number of reasons may have brought you to think about taking your own life. I have listed the top 10 and ask that you take a few minutes to see for yourself that you are not alone and that there is another choice you can make. I understand how you feel. Please, take just a few minutes and read these words. It may save your life.

* * * * * 

CHAPTER 1  :  ABUSE

If you have been abused, a part of you feels like it has been lost forever. Abuse at the hands of your parents, friend or stranger does steal something from you. That is true. When someone hits you or yells at you, you shrink a bit at a time until you feel small. If this is happening at home, you may not have an escape. You think it must be your fault because if you were better or did things right this would not be happening. THAT IS A LIE.

People who hit you and yell at you, they are the ones with the problem. No matter what you do, you cannot change them. They cannot deal with their own frustrations and so they take it out on you. Maybe they call you names or beat you when they are drunk.  You want to get away but feel trapped. You start to disappear a little bit more each day. You start to believe you must be the problem because why else would someone who is supposed to love you treat you so badly?  You feel unloved and rejected. Killing yourself starts to seem like a good idea. At least the pain would stop. Is suicide the only way out? No, there is another choice.

What if someone has sexually abused you? This has happened or is still happening in secret and you are ashamed to talk about it. Maybe you think it was your fault. Maybe the person who abused you told you it was your fault. THAT IS A LIE.

The person who abused you has the problem, not you. I know many people who were sexually abused. In fact, if you walk down the street and look at a crowd of people at least 5 of them have been abused. You are not the only one - it just feels like you are. The pain of being abused goes right to the core of your being. You are wounded and it seems like the agony will never stop. You feel used and worthless and dirty. You know what happened was wrong and if you believe it was your fault you will think there is no way out. THAT IS A LIE.

I was sexually abused too when I was a little girl.  I didn’t know how to cope with what happened. All I knew was that I felt very bad and very sad inside. I did not tell anyone because I knew what happened was wrong and I felt ashamed. I became very depressed. As time went by the pain got worse, not better. It did not go away. I became so sad that I did not want to live anymore. I had waited for someone to notice that I was unhappy but no one did. When I was in grade 5, I went into the garage at my house and found some rat poison. I knew it would kill me. I wanted the pain to stop and so I took the rat poison and waited alone to die. My mother found me a few minutes later and rushed me to the hospital. The doctors told her that I would probably die. For 2 days the poison went through my body and it was horrible agony. I should have died that day but for some reason, I didn’t. When I got out of the hospital, I went to the counsellor but I still would not tell them about the abuse. For years I lived with the secret pain. Finally, one day I did tell someone and it was then, and only then, that the pain started to go away. I have met many people who were abused and they all have the same pain.

Dark secrets never go away.

The only way out other than taking your own life is to expose the abuse. I wish there were another way but there just isn’t. It may seem impossible to you; you may be afraid. Maybe you don’t want people to know what happened to you. Believe me, if you are thinking about killing yourself because of what someone else did, you need to tell someone about what happened to you and you need to tell them today!

There are thousands of people who have been abused. I am sorry to say but it happens all the time. You are NOT the only one. It is not worth killing yourself over. Tell someone you know that can help you. You may think telling your friends will help you but it won’t. You need to tell someone who has the power to help you. That means a relative, school counsellor or you can just call the police. If you cannot speak about what is happening to you, write it down and give the paper to someone who has the power to help you.

What if the abuser is one of your parents or a friend of your parents or a relative that everyone likes? The fact of life is that sometimes the people who are supposed to love and protect us are the ones who hurt us. No matter how much you wish it were different, you must accept the truth. It is not your fault they are guilty. All you need to do is tell the truth.
 

This is not the time to suffer in silence. Talk about how you feel and keep talking about it until you get the help you need. I went to counselling for a long time to deal with what happened to me. Healing that hurt does take time but you are worth it.

BIGGEST LIES :

• It’s your fault
   
• You made me do it
   
• You asked for it
   
• You wanted it
   
• I’ll kill you if you tell
   
• I did not do it

THE TRUTH :

• You are a victim     
  
• You are innocent
  
• You do not deserve to be abused 
  
• You are not alone
  
• You can heal the pain
  
• Telling the truth will set you free

 
What if no one believes you or calls you a liar? If there is one thing to hang on to, it is the truth. You know the truth. The majority of people who have abused others deny it. They deny anything ever happened. They call you a liar. They twist things around to make you look bad. Do not be surprised by this.  It does not matter. Keep telling the truth no matter what. Maybe the person you thought would really understand and save you turns against you. You start to think maybe killing yourself is a good idea. THAT IS A LIE.

The truth is that you deserve to live. The pain will go away as you heal yourself. It is like having a broken leg. It takes time to heal but it will heal. You ask yourself, why me?  There is no answer. The fact is that it did happen to you, you were a victim and now you are going to get help to stop the hurt.

If you are a boy who suffered abuse, you may feel very ashamed. You might think you have been damaged beyond repair. THAT IS A LIE. The truth is that you have been a victim of something terrible, something that has hurt you deeply. You might be worried about your sexual identity. You feel alone. The truth is you are not alone. Thousands and thousands of boys and young men have been physically and sexually abused. It is a sad fact that this happens all of the time in every country in the world. It is not worth dying for. It is a pain that can be healed. You may think you could not stand the shame if your friends or family found out. You might think they will reject you. THAT IS A LIE.

This is not a pain that will go away on its own. You cannot forget about it or let it end your life. If you are thinking the only way out is to kill yourself - THAT IS A LIE. Do not believe it. Your life is more than your pain. You can recover. There is so much help available for you. It may not be easy but you are worth it. Speak out and tell your story. There is light beyond the darkness. 

Accept the fact that you have suffered and that you will continue to suffer because it takes time to heal these deep wounds. That is OK.  In our drive-through society, we expect instant fixes, but that is just another lie. When you feel too small or too weak to go on another day, ask for help from a higher power. If you do not have the strength to go on, ask God to hold you up. I believe we do have help from another source and it is there if you ask for it. 

Learn from your experience. When you get help and heal yourself from abuse, you learn not to abuse others. You learn to have compassion for other people who have suffered the same kind of trauma. Maybe one day, you will be the one to help someone else in his or her time of need. We may never know why things happen to us. What we can know is that there is a way to survive. There is a way we can help others. There is an end to the pain and it is by choosing to live and fight for our life. You may feel tempted to kill yourself many times. Be patient. That urge will pass as you keep telling the truth about your feelings and getting help to heal yourself. No one is so broken that they can’t be put back together. Give yourself time.

You do not know what death brings, you only think you know.
 

CHAPTER 2  :  BULLYING

In a perfect world, everyone would be nice to everyone else. The reality is, however, that some people are cruel. If you have been bullied you know what I am talking about. But is the pain of being bullied worth taking your own life? No! What is happening to you is terrible and it hurts, but try to understand it has also happened to thousands of other people.  In the history of the world, there have always been people who pick on those they see as being weaker. In other words bullying is not something new. I am sure your parents, teachers and maybe even the police try their best to get the bullies to stop what they are doing. But if one bully learns his or her lesson and changes, another person will take their place. There have always been bullies in our world and there always will be. Hostile and aggressive people are part of the human experience. So how do you deal with it? How do you survive it? The answer is simply that you must learn to suffer. If that sounds like odd advice, think of this. Has anyone ever told you that suffering is a part of life? Well, it is.

In our society, we try to pretend that everything is fine and everyone should be happy. But you are totally miserable. You know everything isn’t fine and you are not happy, so then you think something must be wrong with you. If you have been called names, taunted, teased, put down, laughed at, shoved around, cut down, made fun of, tormented, beaten or had any other number of mean things done you must wonder why this is happening to you. You want it to stop. Believe me, one day it will stop. You will grow up and leave that school or neighbourhood and create a new life for yourself with friends of your own choosing. You will have people in you life that like and respect you.  The question is, how do you survive what is happening to you right now?

If you are thinking about taking your own life, I bet you are a gentle person. It is impossible for you to imagine anyone being cruel and heartless. Maybe you are an artist, a deep thinker or a humanitarian. You feel very deeply. Living in a world of harshness and violence is difficult. Maybe you feel like you don’t belong here. It is true that life in this world is difficult. It is not the constant state of happiness and good times that you see on TV. What you see on TV is not real. The reality is that most people have to struggle through life. Not just you but everyone.

If you are being bullied you need to find a way to survive. Accepting the fact that you are suffering is a good first step. Accept the fact that suffering is a part of life. Know you are not the only one who is suffering. Admit that you are in pain. Talk about your pain. Write about your pain in a diary. Tell yourself that there are thousands of other people who have suffered at the hands of bad people and now you are going through it. Tell yourself it’s OK you feel so sad and angry. Once you have accepted that suffering is a part of life and that it’s not JUST you who is having a hard time, then you can think about forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is not about letting the bad people off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free. Yes, you are angry and you might even want revenge. The thing about revenge is that it always ends badly for everyone. You do not want to kill yourself over this temporary hardship. You don’t want to wreck your life over it, either. There is a true story about a young man who was being picked on. His family and friends were being picked on and treated very badly. He did not like it. He tried to stop it but he ended up in jail because he broke the law. While he was in jail, the man forgave the people who put him there and realized that violence was not the way to solve problems. He was in prison for 27 years. Now you might think that all was lost - that this man’s life was basically over. But that was not the case. Not long after the man got out of prison he was elected president of his country. That man’s name is Nelson Mandela. If you learn about his life, you will find out he did not want revenge on those who oppressed and hurt him. His focus was on helping his people and bringing people together.

Nelson Mandela learned to look past today, past tomorrow - to the future. As he sat in that awful prison year after year, he could never have imagined that one day he would be the president of the entire country and become world famous as a peacemaker. You don’t know the future either. Look past today, past tomorrow. You have no idea why you are going through such a terrible time. One day you will find out why these things happened to you. Perhaps because you have lived through the hard times you will have compassion for another person who is hurting and you will help them.

Your life is more than just right now. Happiness is not instant. You may suffer for a time but it will pass. The people who are treating you badly probably don’t even know what they are doing. I know that sounds hard to believe. How could they not know? They do not know because they do not have a feeling heart like you do. If someone is insane and they do a bad thing, we understand that they did not know what they were doing. Bullies are people that don’t have a clue about compassion for other people. All they can see in this life is themselves. So, if that is all they know, then they are not worth you taking your life for. Forgive them because they do not know what they are doing. Maybe one day they will grow up and mature and they will realize what they have done. I wouldn’t be surprised that if you have patience, maybe one day you will get an apology.

You may think you do not have the strength to keep going. You do. Maybe you just don’t have the strength to carry your burden alone. When it all becomes too much, ask your higher power for help. The one who created the universe and everything in it can help you when times are tough. Ask your parents for help. Ask a relative for help. Give yourself a day off from feeling horrible and do one thing nice for yourself.

One of the best places to find peace is nature. Is there a park or a garden you can go to? Sit quietly and really look at nature. It is so beautiful. Look closely at the flowers and the bugs crawling around. Soon you will see that everywhere you look there is life. Another way to get your pain to go away is to give it a holiday. Read a good book. It transports you out of your world and into another! Do something you like to do - be your own best friend.

You are in charge of your mind and your thoughts. They are not in charge of you. There are people who have had to endure torture and other horrible things. Some have lost parts of their bodies from mutilation. Yet somehow these people have survived. They find a thread of hope somewhere in all that chaos and hang on. You have a life and you have a right to that life. People can say and do many things to you but they cannot control what you think. If someone were in trouble, you would probably suffer a hardship to save them, wouldn’t you? Well, the person in the mirror is in trouble and you need to be gentle and supportive and loving and willing to suffer whatever comes your way to save yourself.

Be your own hero, the one who wouldn’t give up!

 REMEMBER :

• Don’t believe LIES     
• See the TRUTH and hold onto it
• You are a good person 
• You can survive this
• You know suffering is a part of life
• You will become your own best friend
• You can forgive people because they do not know what they’re doing
• You are maturing and becoming more compassionate
• You know that one day, this will all be over
• These idiots are not worth dying for
• You have the strength to survive this

CHAPTER 3  :  REJECTION

… I don’t like you
… I am breaking up with you
… We don’t want to hang around with you

Being rejected is painful. You want to be with a certain person or group of people and they don’t want to be with you. It is about that simple. Why then does it hurt so much? It hurts because you think there must be something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. The other people have the right to decide who they want to be with and who they don’t. You must respect their feelings. If someone wants to go out with you but you don’t want to go out with them, does that other person have the right to force you to go out with them? No. You don’t have the right to force yourself on someone either.

If you look at it backwards, you will see that rejection is about respect. It is about respecting yourself enough to be around those people who truly value you. There are billions of people in the world and only a few will connect with you. You will not like everyone you meet and not everyone will like you. That is just a fact of life. Is it worth killing yourself for? No, because there are people who will like you and will love you for the person that you are.

If you are broken-hearted that someone you love has broken up with you, that is normal. It is sad when a relationship ends. The fact is that most romances end. Even when you become an adult there is no guarantee that love will last forever. When you are a teenager however, these things appear to be the end of the world. THAT IS A LIE – so don’t believe it. Can you remember the time before you met that person? You were fine. You will be fine again, just give it time and respect yourself in the process.

Pay attention when people say they do not want to hang around with you. This can be very important. There was a girl in high school that wanted nothing more than to hang out with the “cool” people. She tried and tried to get them to like her. She did not listen to what they were saying. “We don’t like you and we don’t want to hang around with you.” The girl kept trying to get them to accept her. One day the “cool” people invited her to join them down at the river. She was thrilled!  When she got to the river to meet up with her new “friends”, they beat and kicked her and then drowned her in the river. That is a true story.

If someone is giving you a warning or is rejecting you, it is for a reason. Stay away from them. Let them go in your mind. Forget them and keep your eyes open for someone who does enjoy your company. Have patience. These things don’t happen in an instant. Give yourself a time limit to be emotional.  Maybe you need 5 days to cry. Maybe you need 7 days. Take control of your emotions before they run away with you and convince you of something that is not true.

LIES :

• Your life is over
• No one will ever love you
• You are not cool
• You are not popular
• Everyone hates you

THE TRUTH :

• Your life has just started     
  
• Someone will love you
  
• You will fall in love again
  
• You are a great person
  
• You are popular with the people who like you
  
• Some people like you
  
• When you grow up you can choose your own friends from the big wide world.
  
• You will not be limited by what your school or neighbourhood has to offer.

 If you find yourself consumed with thoughts of pain and loss and hurt, this is dangerous. If you are thinking that ending your own life will make it all stop, think again. You know what life is about but you don’t know what death is about. No one does. There is no guarantee that death will give you what you want. What you do know for sure is that this pain will go away when you give it time. It is like breaking your arm. When you first break it, it really hurts. It really hurts for a week or two and then the pain gets less and less as your arm heals. After a while, there is no more pain. Your arm is healed. Your heart is like that. It will hurt for a while but then the pain will start to go away. Give yourself some time to heal. It will happen. You will recover from this hurt.

If you find yourself thinking about killing yourself, you must fight. Suicidal thoughts are dreamy and seem to call you closer. They appear to promise the end of all your troubles. THAT IS A LIE.  When these thoughts come into your head, tell them they are lies and that you don’t believe them. Admit that you are hurting but then tell yourself the hurting will go away. Admit that you do not know your future but it holds the promise of a better time.

If you think that killing yourself will punish those people who rejected you, THAT TOO IS A LIE. If they didn’t care about you in the first place, they won’t care if you are dead so then you have lost your life for nothing. That may sound harsh but it is the truth.

If I had died when I tried to take my own life, I never would have had my beautiful daughter. I could not see the future and could not even imagine being a mother. All I knew was the terrible pain I was in and I wanted it to stop. I have had to fight against the lure of dying. I know when you are in that state of mind, you detach yourself from the world and from the people and things you love. You are consumed by your own pain and by the whisper of something that promises peace. DO NOT BELIEVE IT!

The truth is that you can get over being rejected. It is normal to be rejected by some and accepted by others. I didn’t even meet my best friend until I was 24 years old. If I had killed myself, I never would have known the joy of having a best friend.

As for the boys who rejected me in high school, I can’t even remember their names. I never see anyone from high school or the town I grew up in. You see, in time, these people who we thought were so important fade away. All circumstances in life are temporary.

If you knew that you would meet the love of your life 5 years from now, would you kill yourself today? No!  Have patience. Give yourself time. Be your own best friend. Comfort yourself. Be kind to yourself.

The best is yet to be!

CHAPTER 4  :  FAILURE

You have failed at something. Welcome to the human race. Everyone fails and makes mistakes –  you included. The idea of being perfect is ridiculous. No one is perfect and no one ever will be. Life is a series of failures and the sooner you accept that the sooner you will stop punishing yourself for not being perfect. So if everyone fails at things all the time is it worth killing yourself over? NO. If everyone took their own lives because they failed at things the world would be empty. No one would be alive because all humans make mistakes. That is how we learn.

Failure is like gravity – it is a reality of this world and it will not change. Just because you wish it were different does not make it so. Do you think that you can change the way gravity works? Can you change the direction of the wind? No. Neither can you change the fact that failure is a part of life.  This is not going to change and so killing yourself because you failed at something is a complete waste of your life.

Maybe you are being pressured to do better in school and then you failed an exam. Is it worth ending you life for? NO.  A failure is not the entire story of who you are as a person; it is just a tiny blip in your life. Maybe you aren’t very good in math or science. Does that make you a complete failure? NO.  So you take the test again or you just live with mark you got. Big deal !

If you are failing because you do not try, that is another area to look at. Are you failing because you think you will just fail anyway, so why bother? That isn’t failure – that is just being lazy. When you try to do something and you fail, it is disappointing but at least you know you tried. When you stop trying, you will even feel worse about yourself and then you will start to believe you can’t do anything. Then you will begin to hate yourself for being such a loser. This is just a step away from thoughts of suicide.

You must know that you are in control of your thoughts and your actions. If you are lazy, admit you are lazy. Being lazy doesn’t mean you are a loser at life and so you should die. It just means you are lazy. You can change that if you want to. If you work hard at something, say studying for a test and you fail, it means you did not understand the material. It means that maybe that particular area is not one of the things you are good at. Everyone has different talents and different abilities. Some people are good at science and math; some are good at music or art. We are all made to be different. You are good at something … what is it?

The frustrating thing is when you want to be good at something and it just isn’t your gift, what then? Should you keep trying in the hope that things will change and one day you will, by some miracle, be great? That won’t happen. I am not saying you shouldn’t do your best and practice or study and follow your dream. I am saying make sure it truly is your dream. Often we follow other people’s dreams (like our parents) but it is not our dream. This will not make you happy and you will start to feel lost. Get to know yourself. Pay attention to what makes you happy. Do not focus on your failures pay attention to what makes you happy.

What if you wanted to make the team and didn’t? What if you got on the team but because of you the game was lost? Our society puts so much importance on sports – it’s hard not to take it seriously. For many people they see sports as their only way out of poverty. Becoming a big time sports star can bring fame and money and that can be very appealing. If playing sports is your dream then think about this: when the major players lose a game or are fired from a team, do they kill themselves? NO. They know that failure is just a part of life, and while they may be disappointed for a while, they carry on. There will be another game next week; another team to play on or maybe they will go on to coach. Losing a game or not getting what you want right now is a part of life. It is not the end. It is part of the process. Remember, results in life are not instant.

Thomas Edison, the man who invented the light bulb tried over one thousand times before he finally got it. When he was asked what it felt like to fail a thousand times, he said, “I didn’t fail a thousand times, I just learned a thousand ways not to make a light bulb.”

LIES :

• I can’t do anything right
• I am a loser
• I will always be a loser
• I fail at everything
• I will never get anywhere

THE TRUTH :

• You are not perfect and that’s OK     
• Perfect does not exist
• You are good at some things
• You won’t be good at everything
• You will fail
• You will succeed
• Failure is a part of being human
• Everyone makes mistakes

When feelings of hopelessness and self-hatred come into your mind, read the list of what is true. Sometimes it helps to write your feelings out in a journal. If you don’t want anyone to read it, just rip it up when you are finished. Writing your thoughts and feelings down helps to get them out. You may even be surprised at what you write. You may learn things about yourself that you were not aware of.

CHAPTER 5  :  LOVE

Everyone wants to be loved. Most people do not feel like they are loved. Why? Because most people do not love themselves. We all fantasize that if only someone loved us, then our lives would be perfect. THIS IS A LIE. Yes, for the first while, when we fall in love everything seems perfect. You and your beloved are inseparable and all is right with the world. Falling in “love” for the first time is especially wonderful. It can also be especially painful when the relationship ends. Does the end of love mean life is not worth living? NO. You will love many people in your life. You will have many relationships. You will have a relationship with your family, friends, romantic interest, husband, children and other people you meet along the way. Love comes in all forms. It can be a romantic feeling or a feeling of closeness and understanding.

We yearn for love, we look for love, and we pursue love. It is the one thing we want the most in our life. We want our parents to love us in a way that we feel loved. We want a relationship with someone who makes us feel loved. Why then is love so hard to find and hold onto? One key element to understanding love is to accept the fact that every person is different, their needs are different and the way they experience reality is different. Do not make the mistake of believing that everyone experiences the world the same way that you do. This is not true. Even your family members experience reality in a different way than you do. The definition of love varies from person to person. Someone may feel loved if you buy them gifts. Others feel loved if you spend time with them. A person may feel loved if you say positive things about them.

Maybe we have the love thing backwards. Maybe love isn’t about what the other person does for you but it’s about how you express your love for the other person. Are you thoughtful and giving or selfish and demanding? Do you like and respect yourself or do you believe you are really not worthy of love? Do you think it’s OK for someone to treat you badly or control you?

Love is given freely. It does not demand nor does it control. It is a balance. When you are young, romantic love is a frenzy. It swoops in like a wild wind and generally leaves the same way. Rarely does it last. Your feelings, however, are very sensitive. Having someone “love” you, even for a week can make life very exciting and happy. The crash comes when that feeling goes away and you are left on your own again. This can be a very difficult time. You may feel like your life is over. You may think you just can’t go on without that person. You may feel like you are dying inside. It is normal to feel sad for a few days … you may need a week or so to cry. Remember, your life is not over. You will feel those feelings for someone again.

Give yourself time to heal. It is important to accept the fact that the other person is no longer going to be with you and that is OK. The reason it is OK is that you will meet someone who does want to be with you. Again, life is not instant. These things take time. Time is your friend. Time gives you a chance to see what you have learned from the relationship. Every experience you have is a baby step on your journey through life. Remember, disappointment is a part of life. Hurting is a part of life. You will get over this.

If you find you are thinking about killing yourself because someone doesn’t love you anymore, you are believing in a LIE.

LIES :

• No one loves you
• No one will ever love you
• Your life is over
• There is something wrong with you

THE TRUTH :

• Love is all around you     
• The one who created you loves you
• You can always give love
• You are loveable
• You can love yourself today
• Your life is just beginning

Rarely do people who meet in school grow up and get married. The people you date in school are the practice people for the real thing. The relationships you have with them will teach you what you like in a person and what you don’t like. All of these experiences help you to choose a life mate that fits with you when that time comes. Try not to confuse these relationships. Don’t put a high school romance in the same category as a marriage because it isn’t. That is like a little kid putting on his parent’s shoes. The shoes don’t fit … they are much too big. One day the shoes will fit but only when the child grows into them. Romantic relationships are the same. You will grow into a romantic relationship, have patience.

You may think that sex is love but THAT IS A LIE. Sex is sex and should not be confused with love. Having sex is an expression of love when love is in the relationship. When love is not in the relationship then having sex can lead to hurtful consequences. For most people, having sex without love leaves them feeling very empty. What if you have made a mistake and had sex with someone you thought was in love with you and now you are devastated. Is that a reason to take your own life? NO.

Everyone makes mistakes. The great thing about life is that we can make a mistake, realize we made the wrong choice and then do better next time around. There will be a next time. Nothing is so bad that it cannot be healed by time and forgiveness. If you feel badly about yourself for having been stupid, admit you were wrong and take an honest look at why you made that choice. Once you come to know why you did what you did, it is time to stop punishing yourself. This is the time to say, “I know what I did ended up hurting me. I know why I did it. I forgive myself for not knowing any better and the next time I will make a different choice.”

When you are honest with yourself, it may be difficult to really accept the truth, but once you do then you can heal that part of yourself and grow. For example: You thought that if you had sex then the other person would care about you. Then you find out they don’t. You feel ashamed and rejected and wished you had never made that choice. When you are honest with yourself, maybe you realize that you had sex because you don’t believe anyone could love you just for being you. You wish you could go back in time and change things, but that is not possible. What is possible is to accept your weakness and understand that part of you that doesn’t believe you are worthy of real love.

Knowledge is power and the more you understand what motivates you, the more self-control you will have. Learn from the choice you made and then make a different choice in the future. You may decide that it is better for you to get to know the other person a lot better before you venture into something more intimate. Maybe you realize that despite all the hype about sex on TV and in the movies, having sex is just too much for you to handle right now. That is OK and normal. It is your body and you have a right to decide what you want to do and when.

Learning about love and life is an ongoing process. No one ever “gets it right”. No one is perfect. We all simply do the best we can with what we know at the time.

The challenge is to love yourself through the journey.
Love is patient, love is gentle, love is kind.
  

CHAPTER 6  :  PERFECTION

Perfection exists, but not where and how you think it does. You are not perfect. No one is. If you think that you can go through life and not make a mistake, THAT IS A LIE. If you think you should be able to do things perfectly, THAT IS A LIE. Life is trial and error. That is how human beings learn.

If perfection is not possible to attain in real life, then is it worth killing yourself because you are not perfect? NO.  It is OK that you are not perfect. That is normal.

When you seek perfection, look at your body. Your body is an amazing thing. Take a moment to consider the trillions of things it does all without you even thinking about it. Your brain is constantly controlling every movement, processing billions of bits of information and reacting instantaneously. Just moving your finger or taking a step is something you do without thinking or waiting. You breathe without thinking and your heart beats without any effort on your part.

Spend 10 minutes really looking and thinking about your body. Examine your skin, fingernails, arms, knees, eyes, nose and toes. Taking them individually it is clear to see they are marvels of engineering. They bend, protect, feel, provide balance, and let you physically experience the world. Now think about what is going on inside your body. Everything is automated; you really don’t have to do much. Your blood is constantly circulating, your liver and stomach and pancreas and spleen and intestines are busy doing their thing. At the microscopic level, there is another whole universe at work inside of your body. Cells are multiplying and chemicals and nutrients are being distributed to where they need to go. If you want to appreciate perfection, look to your own body. The structure and function of the human body is perfect. Perfection can also be found in nature. Look at a leaf or a tree or a flower or a river. They are perfect.

Many people want what they have imagined as the “perfect body”. Your body is already perfect in the way it functions. So what is the problem? The problem is how you THINK about your body. If you are too fat or your nose is too big or you can’t see without glasses, then there are simple ways to choose to address that. You can choose to eat food that is good for your body, you can choose to exercise, you can save your money and get a nose job one day, you can go to the doctor and get glasses or contacts. Some things cannot be changed like your shoe size or how tall you are. Nothing can change that so you might as well just accept it.

What if you have a body that looks fine but you are still unhappy? Do you spend hours trying to get the perfect hairstyle only to be upset that it isn’t perfect? The problem isn’t with your hair it is with the way you THINK about your hair. Change the way you think and you will change your life. Change the things you can and accept what you can’t. Remember what you see in the movies, in magazines and on TV isn’t always possible in real life. You will never look like those people unless you have the following at your disposal every morning:  

• A make-up artist with years of training and the top products to use
• A hair stylist with years of training and all of the top products to use
• A fashion stylist with years of experience and a big budget
• A lighting specialist
• A computer effects expert who can remove the slightest imperfection. 

Maybe then you would be close to perfect. As you can see this is not likely to ever happen. You are doing the best you can to put yourself together with the limited knowledge and budget you have. That is good enough.

Do you think you should be able to do everything right all the time?  No one can do that, not even doctors who have spent years of their life being educated and trained. Take the case of a young girl who needed a lung transplant. She had the very best transplant team in the world working on her. She was lucky enough that a lung became available for the operation. Highly educated, dedicated medical experts with years of training took the organ out of the donor, packed it up, shipped it off on an emergency medical flight, got it to the hospital on time, and the operation was performed. Suddenly, they realized they had all made a horrible mistake. No one had thought to check to see if the donated lung was the right blood type match for the girl. Checking this simple fact is normally the first thing that is done in a transplant. Everyone knows this. It is then to be re-checked several times before an operation goes ahead. In this case however, no one checked. It is hard to believe that not one doctor or nurse during the entire process noticed there was something wrong. Not even the super smart transplant doctor who performed the operation.

In this case everyone involved had made a mistake. Because of this mistake, the girl who received the lung died. So you see, even the brightest and the best make mistakes. Did the doctor kill himself because he had made such a bad mistake? NO.  Of course he felt terrible, he realized what had happened, he understood why it happened and then he set up rules to make sure that mistake would not happen again.

The mistakes you make will likely not have such serious consequences. Maybe you goofed up during a game and the team lost. When that happens in major league sports do the players run away and kill themselves? NO.  They go over the game, see where they went wrong and then do it differently next time. That is normal. When you make a mistake, it is not the end of the world. Take some time to see what went wrong, why it went wrong and then choose to do things differently in the future.

Put in your best efforts to achieve the things that are important to you. When you see that you are not perfect, take a moment to think about why you are not happy with the result. Is there something you can do to get a different result? If you are not happy with your grades, would it help if you studied more or asked for help? If you are not happy with your body can you choose to eat healthy food or get more exercise? If you are on a team do you need to practice more or ask for pointers? Remember to do this in a balanced way. When you are satisfied that you are approaching your goal in a balanced way and you are doing your best, then you must accept the outcome. It is OK if you are not the tops in everything.

If you want to end you life because you are not perfect, think of this. No one is perfect. We all have to make mistakes. It’s OK. You are the same as everyone else. Let yourself off the hook. Just accept the fact human beings are not perfect.

If you have struggled with not being perfect, ask yourself what you have learned from this experience. Have you learned to have compassion for another person? Have you learned to accept yourself the way you are, no matter what other people think? These are great gifts and will help you along your journey through life.

REMEMBER– you are a sensitive person, a person who has a good heart. You never know how you will use what you have learned to help another person sometime in your life. The world needs you.
 

CHAPTER 7  :  HOPELESSNESS

I know how terrible it feels to be thinking about killing yourself. I have been there and survived. You are not alone even though it feels like it. If you are thinking about ending your own life because you think your situation is hopeless then you believe in a LIE. As long as you are alive, there is hope. Hope is a feeling that somehow things will change; that they will get better. Hope is what you hold onto through the bad times.

HOPE IS REAL. Just because you THINK there is not hope doesn’t mean that is true. When you begin to get lost in the black fog of hopelessness, you begin to believe in the LIE. Whatever is going on in you life right now will not last. In time, either the circumstances will change or your attitude toward the problem will change.  

What if you have tried everything and nothing has helped? That still does not mean it is hopeless. Patience and time are great healers. If you give yourself enough of these 2 simple things, you will see that all is not lost.

There are certain things in life we cannot change not matter how much we try. For example, when a person dies, you cannot change that. The only thing to do is to let yourself grieve and then heal. If your parents are alcoholics, you cannot change that. All you can do is accept the truth about who they are. You are not responsible for what they are doing and you do not have the power to make them change. You may think you are trapped with them forever, but that is not so. You will grow up and make the choice to move away if you want to.

If you are tired of trying and have come to the end of yourself, then just imagine you are laying your problem down on the ground. Say to yourself, “I cannot carry this anymore”. Then imagine you are laying the problem down on the ground and then ask your higher power to carry it for you. You do not have to carry the weight of the world. This is what gives people the feeling of hopelessness. They try to fix everyone or make things right for everyone and then it becomes clear that this is not working. No one can carry the world or even the responsibility for another person’s life. If this is happening to you and you are feeling hopeless, then it is no wonder. You want to do something that is not possible. It is enough to look at your own life and be responsible for it.

LIES :

• Things are hopeless
• Things will never change
• I can save everyone
• I can help everyone

THE TRUTH :

• There is always hope     
  
• Things will change
  
• I am not responsible for other people’s choices
  
• I can help some people by offering compassion and understanding
  
• I can change
  
• I can learn
  
• I can take a positive action to help myself
  
• I can be patient
  
• I accept the realities of life
  
• I will not make a decision based on emotion

Numbing yourself with drugs and alcohol is not the answer. These things only move you farther away from the truth, and the truth is what will set you free. People don’t like to admit what is hurting them because then they may have to do something about it. Most likely they will need to change the way they think about things. Painful realities may need to be accepted. That is OK.

Those that choose to keep hiding by masking their feelings with drugs and alcohol only add to their problems. Instead of having more problems wouldn’t it be great to have fewer problems? It is tempting to hide, to run away but the truth is you cannot run away from yourself. You may think that death is the answer, that your feeling of hopelessness and pain will end but the truth is you don’t have any idea what death will bring.  No one does. What is certain is that when you are alive, anything can happen.

There is a song and the lyrics are “What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours.”  You never know how or when things could change. Something wonderful may be just around the corner. Do whatever it takes to get through today. Sometimes, all I can do is tell myself to breath. I focus on breathing past the urges. Do something good for yourself even if it is something simple. Take a hot bubble bath. Write in a journal: “I believe things are going to change and get better”. Write down what you would like to see in your future. Write down your hopes and dreams. You do have hopes and dreams and it’s time to find out what they are.

Your emotions should not rule every decision you make. That’s because your emotions can change from moment to moment. You are happy, you are sad, you are in love, now you aren’t. Your emotions are on a roller coaster ride during this period of your life. Force yourself to think beyond your immediate emotions and use logic and facts before you make any big decisions.

Would you want a 5-year old to make every decision for you? Of course not. When your emotions are the only thing telling you what to do, think of them as a 5-year old kid who is trying to run your life.

Now is the time to look at the facts and accept the truth and realities of life.  Writing down the facts about what is bothering you will really help. No one else has to read your personal notes and you can destroy them if you want.

Here is a suggestion:

Write the following line and then write down everything that comes into your mind :

1. I feel hopeless because …

List the things that are bothering you.

Now write the following line and then list everything that comes into your mind :

2. I have the power to change …

Write down the things on your list that you have the power to change. Include your attitudes.

Now write the following and list what comes into your mind :

3. I accept these things I cannot change …

Write down the things you know you will never be able to change such as someone else’s behaviour.

4. In the future, I will …

Write down the kind of future you want. This could include where you want to live, a trip you want to take, the kind of work you want to do, the kinds of relationships you want to create.

When you take time to do this exercise, you will be able to see there ARE options in your life. You will see that you DO have hopes and dreams. The future you have written about IS your hope.

REMEMBER … it is always good to talk about your feelings with someone who can help you.

This can be a counsellor, you can call the suicide prevention hot line or you can walk into a local church and talk to the minister.

 

You matter, you count, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!   Change is on its way.
Be patient. Things will be different.
 

CHAPTER 8  :  FEAR

Everyone has fear. No matter how tough some people appear to be or how popular, fear is a part of life. The challenge is to face your fear and overcome it. What are you afraid of? For some people it is the fear of the unknown. This is a common fear because we do not know what will or won’t happen from one moment to the next. Change can bring on a lot of fear. You know what your life is like right now, but you don’t know how or when it will change. Are you afraid of losing the friends you have? Are you afraid of losing the social position you have? The fear of losing something you value can be a heavy burden. You may find that you are constantly worried about how you can maintain your life. If you feel it changing or slipping away, you may feel a great loss.

The trouble with wanting things to stay the same is once again it is like trying to hold onto the wind. Change is constant in life. Everything changes. People grow up: they have experiences and mature. Circumstances can change quickly. For example, one day your parents are doing well, the next your Mom or Dad loses their job. On the opposite side, things can change for the better too. One day a new person arrives at your school and they become the best friend you ever had! Maybe your family is struggling to get by. Suddenly, a job offer comes from another town. Your parents believe that moving will be good for the family but you don’t want to go because of –  a) fear of the unknown; and b) fear of change. What will happen? The truth is you have no idea what will happen. Remember though, no matter what happens you have the power to control your attitude! You can choose to be open and ready for a new adventure, or you can be angry and try to hold onto the past. Change will come; it is just a matter of how you will embrace it. 

Another common fear is the fear of love. This may sound silly, since love is what people really want the most. The fear surfaces because we are afraid of losing love. You ask yourself, “What if that person stops loving me? What if they break up with me? What if they die?” It is this fear that prevents us from experiencing and enjoying good things when they do come along.

If you like someone and they like you back, enjoy that feeling. Why waste it by being worried about how awful it is going to be when they dump you. Focus on what your thoughts and attitudes are. Are you being kind and thoughtful? Are you being considerate of the other person? When you become too self-centred, you will discover all you can think about is how everything affects you. This is dangerous because when things don’t go your way, all you will be able to experience is how things affect you and that can be overwhelming.

Life does not just happen to you, it is happening to everyone around you. If you are thinking about killing yourself because you are consumed with how hurt you are, open your eyes and realize most people are hurting in some way or another. Take the time to ask someone else how they are doing or if they need anything. You will find that being a good listener instead of a selfish whiner can do wonders for your attitude. 

Our society makes being rich and famous seem like an easy goal to achieve. THAT IS A LIE. The truth is that very few people ever become either rich or famous. What if your dream is to become a famous singer but deep down you are afraid you won’t make it. Likely, you won’t try very hard to be a good singer because you are so afraid you will fail.

It is common for people to have a fear of success as well as a fear of failure. If you think being rich and famous is the only way your life will have value, you are believing in a LIE. Take time to write down all of the rich and famous people you can think of. How many names did you write down? If you wrote 500 you are doing well. If you wrote 2,000, that’s great! If you wrote down 10,000 or 20,000 names, even better. Even if you wrote down 100,000 names (and that is not likely) what about the other 7 billion people that are alive on this planet right now?  Don’t their lives count? Of course! It’s just that we only focus on a tiny number of people to idolize and that is trouble.

Every person is of value. Do not be afraid to find out what is true for you.

We all have different talents and gifts. The trick to accepting yourself is find out what yours are. Do not be afraid. So what if you can’t sing or aren’t that great at sports. There is a lot more to life than that.

Girls in particular are afraid they aren’t good looking enough or their bodies aren’t thin enough. These fears lead to constant self-ridicule and feelings of low self worth. Low self worth opens the door to thinking that you aren’t good enough for anything and that is a LIE. Search for the truth about yourself and your fears. Once you have decided you want to know the truth, all things are possible.

LIES :

• I have too much fear to do anything
   
• I will never succeed
   
• I will fail
   
• I am scared of the future
   
• I am afraid of what will happen
   
• I am scared of losing what I have

THE TRUTH :

• I am afraid but I will face my fear     
  
• I will find out what I am good at
  
• I will fail and succeed on the way
  
• I don’t know what the future holds but I look forward to the surprises
  
• I know things in my life will change and I welcome new beginnings

CHAPTER 9  :  DEPRESSION

Depression creeps up on you. You probably can’t even remember how it started. All you know is that you aren’t happy any more. You don’t enjoy things the way you used to. Maybe you are sleeping a lot and don’t feel like doing anything. You don’t have much energy and you wish people would just leave you alone. You are lost in your own world.

As a suicide survivor, I understand depression. I have had to learn to manage my depression over the years because for me, it wasn’t a one-time thing that went away. Millions of people suffer from depression. Young people, middle-aged people, older people. For some it comes and goes. Being a bit depressed is normal, especially after a traumatic life event like the death of a family member. For others, depression can become severe. It can be caused by something that needs to be changed in your life or maybe it does not have an outside cause.

What do you think is making you depressed? Is it something that has happened that you are reacting to? If so, do the writing exercise in the previous chapter on hopelessness. This will help to put things into perspective. It isn’t normal to feel super happy all the time but when you start to disconnect from the world it’s time to understand why. If something has happened, write about it. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your thoughts and feelings. List the facts and then your reactions. Always finish with writing about what you have the power to change and the things you must accept.

Maybe you are depressed because you are doing things you really don’t want to do. Many people fall into this trap. They go against their own nature or true self and then they feel depressed because of it. Are you involved with things that you know in your heart you really don’t want to do? This could be as simple as playing sports when you really don’t like sports. Maybe you are on the team because someone else thinks you should be. Maybe you are having sex when you really don’t want to be having sex. It could be you find yourself saying and doing things to impress other people when you know deep down, that isn’t really you.

Whenever we go against our true self, the result is depression. After all, how could you possibly feel good about yourself? The easy answer to this problem is to learn how to say, “No Thanks”. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. It is actually good for you to say NO when the situation requires it. If you say NO to something you don’t really want to do, you will see that a part of you is happier. That part of you will be glad you stood up for yourself. When we betray ourselves, we begin to feel lost and it’s no wonder. If you can’t be your own best friend, who can?

If you are feeling sad and out of it for no apparent reason, or if you hear ugly voices saying mean things to you, then you could be suffering from a chemical imbalance in your body. This would not be surprising since most people do not eat the kinds of foods that supply the brain with the nutrients it needs to function properly. Do yourself a favour and start taking vitamins like C, Niacin (B3) and B6 and eat healthy foods. Many people have felt relief from depression when they start feeding their brain. Take a good look at what you do eat and ask yourself if you were a brain, could you function on that? The answer is probably not. Don’t ask your body to do something that it has no fuel for. It’s like getting in a car with no gas and expecting to drive a 1,000 miles. It just won’t happen! Eat fruits and vegetables, drink lots of water and take some vitamins, this should help you feel better within a week.  Eating is something you have the power to change.

Exercise is another free activity that will help you to feel better. If you are so depressed that you can’t get off the couch, it’s time to force yourself to go for a walk. Even if your feet feel like lead and it’s all you can do to put one foot in front of the other - DO IT!

Your body needs to move to function properly. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals in your brain that make you feel better. Typically, depressed people do not want to do much at all so you will really have to be tough on yourself to take these actions. Strenuous activities probably seem impossible right now so start small but do a little bit each day.

Are you in “Poor me”? … “Poor me” is a state of self-pity. In North America, people are very self-centred and spoiled. They have come to believe the world revolves around them and that they should get everything they want when they want it. THAT IS A LIE. 

Sure, the commercials on TV advertise this image as the norm but it is not. Most people live regular lives; they have regular jobs and they think they never have enough money. They struggle to get by and don’t wear designer clothes. If you believe what you see on TV and in magazines you might start to believe that everyone is living some kind of movie star life. Wrong! Money and fame are not the answer to your depression. So many people think that if they are rich and or famous life will be perfect. THAT IS A LIE.  If being rich is the answer, then wealthy people should be completely happy, right? This is not true either. There are countless numbers of people who were either rich or famous who were or are very unhappy indeed.

It is not the things outside of yourself that bring true happiness;
It is what is inside of you that makes the difference.
 It is your attitude, your heart and your spirit.

What if your family is wealthy and you do have all of the material things you could want? Could you still be in “Poor Me”? Yes! When people have money and possessions and they still feel empty, where do they go to feel better? Buying more things won’t help because you already have everything.

Maybe you are depressed because you are not getting the love and attention you need because your parents are busy. Maybe you think they care more about things than they care about you. You are not alone here. Many people think that if they make lots of money and buy their family things, everything will be great. That just isn’t true. People need to be loved. Do you feel loved? Do you feel like you really matter to your parents? If the answer is no then there are a couple of things you can do about that. First, you can tell your parents how you feel. If you can’t talk to them, write down your thoughts in a letter and give it to them. If they brush you off, try again. If you don’t get any response or things don’t change, then accept the fact that they do love you in their own way; they just aren’t loving you in the way you want. It’s not because they don’t want to, it’s probably because they don’t know how.

Accept your parents for who they are and let go of wanting them to change. The only person you can change is yourself. If family is important to you then start looking around to see who you can spend time with. Do you have grandparents or a brother or sister? You can be the one to initiate family closeness. Take a minute and stop thinking about yourself and what you want, want, want. Open your eyes and see what you can give, give, give. This backward approach to solving our problems works every time.

Observe someone in your family and really think about what would make them happy and feel loved by you. Then take an action to make it happen. Maybe it is a simple thing like taking your brother or sister to the park. Maybe you could clean the house unasked for your Mom who is totally stressed out. Call your Grandparents and have a long chat. Ask them how they are doing.

If you do one small thing a day to give to someone else,
you will probably feel a lot better within a week. Remember, one step at a time!

Don’t ignore depression. It can overtake you and make you think all kinds of things. You must recognize what is happening to you and take actions to deal with it. If you are so depressed that you are thinking about killing yourself, get help now. Tell someone who has the power to help you that you are thinking about taking your own life. There is no shame in this. Do not be embarrassed. Depression can be treated. Call your doctor. Call the suicide hot-line. Go to the hospital. I remember being suicidal in my teens and asking for help. I got it and I survived. Spending a few days in the hospital (if that is what it takes) is worth saving your own life. You will see that the fog will lift; you will be able to enjoy life again.

Being depressed is not a permanent thing. There is no point in killing yourself when in a week you could start to feel differently. Have patience. Be gentle with yourself. You are going through a hard time but it will pass. I still have bouts of depression that aren’t a lot of fun. I can recognize what is happening and while it is hard to live through the worst of it, I have learned that it will go away and I will be able to carry on again. I told my friends that I suffer from depression at times and now they understand what is happening to me and are understanding. I don’t have to hide it.  
 

LIES :

• I am lost
• Nothing matters
• I don’t matter
• This will never end
• What’s the point of living?
• Life will always be this way
• I just want the pain to stop
• No one will care if I am dead
• I do things I don’t want to do
• All I can think about is myself

THE TRUTH :

• I am right here     
  
• I matter
  
• I am true to myself
  
• I have a future
  
• This will go away when I take an action
  
• I know what my pain is and I am taking an action to heal myself

 

• I have the power to change myself
  
• I will stay true to myself
  
• I can say no
  
• I can give to others who are in need
  

CHAPTER 10  :  THE FUTURE

Many people are worried about the future. What will I be? What courses should I take in college? What if I fail? What if …what if …what if. You do not have the answers today and that is OK. No one knows the future. You do the best you can and accept the fact you won’t always get it right. No one does.  So much stress is caused by other people expecting you to know exactly what you want to do with your life. How can you know? You really haven’t had a chance to experience much yet. Remember, patience and time will reveal it to you. Take the time to try new things to see what is interesting to you.

I have found that I couldn’t possibly have imagined my future turning out the way it did. Some of it was awesome, some of it was great, a lot of it was good and some of it was painful. Because I did not die, I had that future. I did get to have a life and I am grateful for every minute. Life is full of ups and downs. No one leads a perfectly happy life all of the time. The world is filled with struggles and victories, love and loss, successes and failures. That is the world in which you live and nothing you do will ever change that.

I saw a TV show about people who did heroic things and there was one story I will never forget. It was about a 40-year old man who looked like he had had a hard life. He looked like a tough biker- type. He had long hair and a chiselled face. He lived in the country in a small run-down house. One day he was outside fixing his car when a plane crashed near his home. Without hesitation, he ran to the plane and got all of the people out before it exploded. When asked about how he felt about being a hero and saving 3 lives, tears welled up in his eyes and he said, “I just wish my Dad was still alive so he could see that at least I did something right in my life”.

We all want to make our mark, to do something with our life. This man had no way of knowing that one day he would be in a position to save 3 people from burning to death. It was his destiny. Who knows what could stem from the action of this one man. Three people are alive today that would not have been if he had not had the courage to live his life even though there was pain in it. Maybe one of the people he saved will go on to make an impact of their own in this world. Maybe one of those people will have a child and so on and so forth. You never know what you will do with your life. It may be a small thing or it may be a big thing. Whatever it is to be, it matters. 

The truth about suicide is it will end any chance of life for you. You do not know what is waiting for you on the other side. What if there is no way around dealing with your pain? What if you still have to deal with it after you are dead plus you have to deal with a suicide? That sounds like twice the work if you ask me.  I have discovered there is no easy way out. You can try and shut off your problems with drugs and alcohol but that just adds to the list. Now you’ve got your original problems plus a drug or alcohol addiction. Twice the work and more hardship too. 

If I had killed myself, my daughter would never have been born. If I had ended my own life, I wouldn’t have been here to help all of the people I have met on my journey. I haven’t found the cure for cancer or anything – I am not famous or rich. But I am here and I am alive. I have great days and bad. I don’t know what my future holds. I have made good decisions and bad ones. I am human.

I truly hope with all of my heart that you will choose life!  Choose life with all of it’s twists and turns and adventures. When times are tough, I sometimes imagine I am like a cork floating on the ocean. I know I cannot control the sea but I can float along quite nicely when I relax and enjoy the ride! 
 

REMEMBER …

• If you are sad … feel sad but give yourself a time limit. 
• If you are being abused, tell someone, you are a victim and deserve help. 
• If you aren’t perfect, welcome to the human race! 
• If you are heartbroken, have patience you will heal and love again. 
• If you have failed, that is normal - keep trying.
• Recognize a lie when you hear it and always look for the truth.
• Accept that suffering is a part of life but remember so is laughing and playing.
• Don’t rely on your emotions. Emotions can change in an instant – use logic and list facts before making any big decisions.
• Accept that you cannot change everything or anyone but you can change yourself.
• You are sensitive and the world needs sensitive people. 
• You are a thinker and the world needs ideas. 
• You can create a future for yourself one step at a time. Everything changes.
• Don’t hide your feelings, find someone who has the power to help you and talk with them.
• You have a right to get the help you need. Ask a counsellor, a police officer or the minister at a local church.
• There are good people in this world and they will help you through the rough times.
• Grow through your suffering and learn how to help others.

 Stay true to yourself and be your own best friend.
 

THE TRUTH :

• You are unique!!
• There is no one else like you on the entire planet.
• No one has your face or your fingerprints or your life experience.
• The minute you were born you were one of a kind.
• So many people want to be “different", they forget that they already are.
• The fact that you were born and are alive means you should be here.
• This is your life and you have no idea of the amazing things that you will experience during your lifetime.

 YOU CAN DO IT!